Human beings rarely live in isolation. So how relations between human beings can evolve?
Love and couple history
Let us look at couples and the past.
We can classify the evolution of the relations of a couple into several phases:
- Physical, sexual love: in the hunter/gatherer era, the essential aim of a relationship was survival, one’s own and that of one’s genes. And so the male selected the most vigorous female. For more security, he even chose several. I call it physical love, for it is essentially based on the physical part of a relationship, especially the sexual. Yes, some of you might counter by saying that my knowledge of this period starts and ends with Jean-Jacques Annaud’s film Quest for Fire and How I ate my father by Roy Lewis. You are not wrong. Our vision of this period for want of more precise data is essentially a reconstruction on the basis of our vision of the present world. It isn’t improbable that the civilization was much more advanced in that period. So I shall limit myself to the most commonly held views of that time.
- Social love of interest: in the farmer/breeder or agriculturist era, marriages are arranged by the family. They are able, in this way, to seal unions of families or to recover much-envied lands from neighbors. This also explains the use of primogeniture to prevent land from being parceled out. Obviously this kind of love can also include physical and sexual love.
- Free love or pure love: the industry/commerce era sees the arrival of new forms of love that could be described as free love. So we ourselves choose our partner out of love. And when love vanishes, we divorce. This type of love often includes physical and sexual love and at times social love of interest as well. During certain periods, such as 1968 and the hippie era, a frenzied version of this kind of love was often visible.
- Super Love: a future evolution will see the coming of what Alvin Toffler calls Super Love in which partners, besides love, look also for other forms of almost professional respect. Couples then spend more and more time at home (tele-working, micro business, etc.). People want to count on a truly trustworthy partner (in the business sense) to whom they can turn for advice. Intellectual respect and mutual esteem for each one’s skills are fundamental. This type of love can include physical and sexual love, social love of interest and it often incorporates pure love as well.
- Hyper Love: in the creation-communication era, each one seeks to explore and work for the blossoming of their own uniqueness. So one looks for a true life-partner in the wider sense of the term, a person capable of pursuing his/her own development, both personal and spiritual. Love moves further and further away from conventional social patterns (marriage, divorce) and we see the emergence of new kinds of couples – for instance couples of the same sex or from more and more blended families that demand official recognition and their right to exist. This last type of love can obviously include all the preceding types but not always.
After genetic partners, social partners, romantic partners and business partners, we see now the emergence of spiritual partners! Evidently, in each era, large numbers of people do not attain the type of love most suitable for that period and remain at a form that is less evolved.
And then the problems in the couple…
We also see differences appear within the life of the same couple. So you can have one partner criticizing the other for not giving him the right type of love: the partner thinks only of ‘freeing his genetic potential’ (to be read as ‘my partner thinks only of love-making) or ‘my partner isn’t ‘sufficiently romantic’ (to be read as ‘he or she thinks only about my money’) or my partner is ‘not sufficiently spiritual’ (to be read as ‘he or she is unbearably banal), etc.
So, the solutions? Obviously to cultivate a more fractal vision of a couple’s relationship! For many, this means having successive relationships in accordance with one’s spiritual growth. Or having multiple relationships with different partners, in which each knows what type of love the other one brings (or does not) and what type of love he gives to the other.
What would be the relationship of a perfect fractal couple? Each one in the couple and the couple as an entity in itself, evolves in harmony through different types of love by knowing how to harmonize and blend them in a fractal way. So, I know how to be sexually aroused at certain moments and to celebrate romantically the life of a couple at others. I trust the expert counsel of my partner and together we evolve spiritually respecting each other’s uniqueness towards a more integral and fractal relationship!
So if you are lucky enough, that is to say if you reached that level of development, no doubt the universe will provide you with the perfect sexual, romantic, business-like and spiritual partner. All in one person 😉